Voices In Her Head

I could make him love you… I could give him to you… He could be all yours…

The words echoed in her mind painfully as she woke. They were cruel, these dreams. How long would the demons hound her so? Would they ever relent? Her thoughts were fuzzy in this fragile waking state, almost as if she was on the edges of a dream. Dreams. For her, they were so much more real; for her, they were so much more dangerous. The Fade was a treacherous place for her kind, the magi. The demons there knew all – it was their domain. They invaded her dreams, defiling her thoughts, her precious secrets and hopes. The demons always found a way through Ellesy's defenses, digging their fangs into her heart's deepest desire, jaws unhinged. It took all she had in her to resist their call.

It was the promises. They promised her all she desired, all she had ever wanted; the demons promised her the world, the demons promised her him. Ellesy recoiled at the thought. She knew more than anyone the futility of these promises. She knew each word was a lie, an attempt to take over her mind… yet why did each offer pierce her like a knife? It was painful; it was sickening. Even worse, a dark place in her heart wanted to believe them. The guilt wracked her body as a silent sob began to shake her. Tonight had been especially hard, the offer near irresistible. Slowly, it felt as if her resolve was wearing down, her ability to cast them off, to tell them no. The shaking of her body became stronger as she attempted to hold her sobs at bay; it was the middle of the night, and she couldn't bear to wake her colleagues.

At times like these, Ellesy felt alone. Illogically, she hated herself; she hated herself for being powerless, for being weak, but most of all for being foolish. She knew all too well her love would never be reciprocated… but the demons. And yet she could find no solace, no rest. She had no one to tell, no one to confide in; and why would she? Being plagued by demons was the quickest way to join the tranquil… It seemed there was no one she could trust these days… especially herself.

Ellesy rolled on her side, gathering the sheets around her like a cocoon. She curled into a ball, doing her best to block out the memories, to end the cycle of dreams. But she knew it was in vain; the demons had marked her, and they would return without fail. What would happen when they visited her next? Would she be able to refuse them again? It would be so easy to let them inside… to forget her pain. There, on her bed in a room full with those who had grown alongside her, Ellesy felt the deepest and truest sense of isolation. Horrified, she waited for sleep to reclaim her; she waited for sleep as if she waited for her execution.